The Beginning
Here goes.. I 'm going to start writing on this blog about my life, my fears, my goals, my achievements, the lot. I want to document everything.
I have dealt with Anxiety for the best 3/4 years. It has been tough. I have learnt so much. I've read countless books and gone to many therapists. I find it hard even saying that I still deal with it. I think its common to get to a point where you don't want to say you're still struggling or not fully there yet but so many of us are in the same boat. I am a big believe in talking. Being open, supporting one another. We can all so similar. We can grow together. This is one of the reasons I want to share my journey. I am sick of hiding from it.
At first, I had very acute anxiety and experienced anxiety attacks when doing small every day tasks. I also developed separation anxiety with my mother for a period of time. It really was awful. I'm not going to get into the ins and outs of things and what brought on my anxiety as this isn't what this post is about. It's hard to look back on my worst times but it can be helpful in realizing how far you've come.
Shame can play a large part when it comes to mental health issues. I have experienced this but only recently have I realized to the extent that I do. Mental illness is invisible, no one can see it. You could look totally fine. You could have everything looking lovely on the outside but in your head you could be falling apart at the hinges. This is where the shame emanates. You feel guilty for being sad or anxious. that guilt turns to shame. It can be so destructive.
I finally got a place where I could function on a day to day basis again. I rebuilt my comfort zone bit by bit. I am proud of this but I do feel like I have hidden away for quite some time, within the safety of this comfort zone. It's easy to get a little bit too comfy there.
While I am expanding my comfort zone slowly I feel I need to push myself more. I read so much and absorb every once of information on anxiety, I know the various coping techniques but I do not implement them enough. I want to find out what works best for me. I want to put all the theory I know into practice. I know this is the next step for me. I can not go on avoiding situations if I am to live a full life. It is time. Time to stop hiding, to embrace the fact that this is where I'm at, to not care what others think. I want to let go of the shame I carry around with me.
I have developed unhelpful thinking, associations and thought patterns over the years. Anxiety becomes a habit. We cling to it. We think its protecting us. The stories our mind tells us are not true. They feel true because some of them are old stories with a lot of emotions attached. What's wonderful is the brain is super adaptable. We can change our ways. We can shed these stories, these fears. Humans love routine, we love to create habits. we choose comfort. We can get into unhealthy habits. It takes a lot of patience to change. It is possible. I know it is, We see people everyday achieve their dreams. You can too. The power is within all of us.
I am going to document my journey. I am going to write reflections on all the fears I face, big and small. Every achievement counts. Maybe someday, I'll make this public. Maybe I can help others like me, who have got tangled up in their owns heads all too much. Onwards and upwards.
Peace and love,
Aisling
I have dealt with Anxiety for the best 3/4 years. It has been tough. I have learnt so much. I've read countless books and gone to many therapists. I find it hard even saying that I still deal with it. I think its common to get to a point where you don't want to say you're still struggling or not fully there yet but so many of us are in the same boat. I am a big believe in talking. Being open, supporting one another. We can all so similar. We can grow together. This is one of the reasons I want to share my journey. I am sick of hiding from it.
At first, I had very acute anxiety and experienced anxiety attacks when doing small every day tasks. I also developed separation anxiety with my mother for a period of time. It really was awful. I'm not going to get into the ins and outs of things and what brought on my anxiety as this isn't what this post is about. It's hard to look back on my worst times but it can be helpful in realizing how far you've come.
Shame can play a large part when it comes to mental health issues. I have experienced this but only recently have I realized to the extent that I do. Mental illness is invisible, no one can see it. You could look totally fine. You could have everything looking lovely on the outside but in your head you could be falling apart at the hinges. This is where the shame emanates. You feel guilty for being sad or anxious. that guilt turns to shame. It can be so destructive.
I finally got a place where I could function on a day to day basis again. I rebuilt my comfort zone bit by bit. I am proud of this but I do feel like I have hidden away for quite some time, within the safety of this comfort zone. It's easy to get a little bit too comfy there.
While I am expanding my comfort zone slowly I feel I need to push myself more. I read so much and absorb every once of information on anxiety, I know the various coping techniques but I do not implement them enough. I want to find out what works best for me. I want to put all the theory I know into practice. I know this is the next step for me. I can not go on avoiding situations if I am to live a full life. It is time. Time to stop hiding, to embrace the fact that this is where I'm at, to not care what others think. I want to let go of the shame I carry around with me.
I have developed unhelpful thinking, associations and thought patterns over the years. Anxiety becomes a habit. We cling to it. We think its protecting us. The stories our mind tells us are not true. They feel true because some of them are old stories with a lot of emotions attached. What's wonderful is the brain is super adaptable. We can change our ways. We can shed these stories, these fears. Humans love routine, we love to create habits. we choose comfort. We can get into unhealthy habits. It takes a lot of patience to change. It is possible. I know it is, We see people everyday achieve their dreams. You can too. The power is within all of us.
I am going to document my journey. I am going to write reflections on all the fears I face, big and small. Every achievement counts. Maybe someday, I'll make this public. Maybe I can help others like me, who have got tangled up in their owns heads all too much. Onwards and upwards.
Peace and love,
Aisling
Comments
Post a Comment