Panic

   
   Today, after work I went to the gym. I had a pretty good day in work, nothing major happened. When I was on my way to the gym I could feel myself beginning to feel agitated. I knew the feeling. It was so out of the blue. Panic likes to crop up when you least expect it. I went into the changing room and had to use bathroom. Once I left the bathroom, I felt this rush of panic over me. Many people describe it kind of like a wave. I felt weak and close to tears. I begun trying to center myself. I have a list of positive helpful sentences to read on my phone for when I feel very anxious or panicked.

For example:

'you are safe'
'you are not in danger'
'this will pass'
'you can do anything'
'breathe'

  I gathered myself as much as I could and went into the gym and hoped on the treadmill. I set myself an aim of two minutes, then five minutes, then ten minutes. I think creating little goals is really helpful when recovering from a bubble of anxiety or panic. Often we are left feeling tired, scattered and incapable. Little goals help grow your confidence and belief in yourself as anxiety attacks tend to grab both of these.

  The main reason I am writing this is to record and remember the fact that I got up and when back in. I didn't allow that anxiety attack to take over, to push me down. I didn't run away. That is an important lesson, run towards the feelings, then they lose their power.
Often I think 'I don't want to feel those awful feelings', its natural to want to run away from it, but that is where our brain has made the mistake. We need to re-train our brains. I and so many others have developed negative thought patterns which in turn lead to how we feel. I have to prove to my brain that whatever it is is not scary. This takes a lot of courage, so bloody pat yourself on the back for everything anxiety provoking, no matter how small.

 To explain to someone who has not experienced anxiety, imagine your body telling you not to do something, having a gut feeling of uneasiness. You probably have experienced this on some level but imagine having it constantly or in the smallest of situations, that, to some people is what anxiety is.

 One of the scariest things I find is that no one truly knows how you feel in any situation. You are the only one who knows it and can feel it. This is why it is so important to know yourself and figure out how to combat and manage these feelings.
  I know myself that I have avoided things and still do to this day, due to anxiety. Avoidance only makes it worse. I have things I need to overcome as I have avoided them for so long.
  Today was the first time in a long time that I number one-felt a serge of panic and number two- didn't allow it to have the control over me to run away. I proved to myself that I am capable. We are all capable. Anyone out there with anxiety who is reading this, You are not alone, you are stronger than you think. Believe in yourself.
 This was a random little story but something prompted me to write it.
Never give up. Ever.